The Advice Untaken

Let’s see, people and their great “advice”

From the moment of announcing our pregnancy, I received the most horrific advice on the daily.

(keep in mind before going forward just about all of this advice was from random people that noticed my big old belly) And most of this advice was given before she was even two months old.

For starters, I apparently chose the wrong doctor.

You need THIS doctor because when something goes wrong – THEY are the best…I’m sorry- when?? 

People are great at pointing out all of their own fears and projecting them onto your life. Wanting a non medicated birth I got so many comments, literally being told at one point that I was selfish and that was awful to do to my husband. (This made me laugh because my husband was 100% my hugest supporter).

I suppose I was supposed to get drugged up and have no say in the birth of the human being coming out of my body – no thank you. It saddens my heart that this is the norm now. I have zero judgement to the mommies who want that pain medication or want to schedule a c-section – It’s your body and I totally support your decision and right as a human being to choose your birth plan.

Now of course since having our baby, I have gotten all of the advice that I never asked for. I understand most people have great intentions, but every baby and family dynamic is different. Before giving my advice I always ask if it is wanted, I do not just throw it up like word vomit and try to make someone feel bad about what they are choosing, because I can tell you from experience, being beat down while being a new mother is one of the worst feelings in the world.

Here is an amazing list of some stellar advice I was given:

Let your baby cry always for at least 10 minutes or you will spoil them

Okay, who ever taught you that, must have been insane. There is scientific proof that you CANNOT spoil a baby or show them too much love. I was not emotionally even able to just let my baby lay there and cry as a newborn… that was her only form of communication to me and I just had to answer her

Give them formula and cereal at bedtime – they’ll sleep through the night

Another one of my major goals was exclusive breastfeeding. I had so many hard moments at breastfeeding but I never gave up and it is beyond worth it. As long as I make milk for her, that is what she is getting. As for cereal? The American Academy of pediatrics says no solids until 6 months of age. Why? Because a babies gut lining does not heal until about 6 months. Food prior to this is a great way to cause leaky gut and bowel issues. My baby specifically had an issue with dairy and I had to actually stop eating dairy and I was unable to add it back in until she was about 6.5 months

Put the baby in their own room by a month old

Maybe great for some people but not for me. I carried this baby for 40 weeks and 5 days in my belly. How can I expect her to come out from the comfort of my cozy belly and then be alone in her own space immediately? I need her with me just as much as she needs me.

Don’t breastfeed it’s weird

… … … God gave me breasts why???

Don’t worry about her bedtime just do your schedule

I have learned the very hard way that she has a time where she wants to go to bed, and too much stimulation or wandering from that means no one is sleeping. No thanks.

You’re not feeding her enough, give her a bottle

My child is healthy and in the high percentiles. The doctor has always been impressed with how she is thriving and has always been gaining weight and has the cutest chunkiest little thighs and I am so proud that I have been able to feed her and grow her!

Give her a bottle so family members can experience feeding her
Do formula so you can make your husband do more work.

My husband works really hard so that I can have the pleasure to stay home and raise my daughter and future babies if I want to. He also goes to school and serves the country as well. I suppose he needs more work though?

Vaccinate/Don’t vaccinate

This is another one of those huge debates. Honestly, this is a personal choice for everyone, and we chose what we feel is the best for our daughter.

 Do not co-sleep

My baby slept with me until about 4.5 months, maybe even almost 5 months of age. The only way she would sleep was with me. We tried everything. I knew when she was ready to move to her own space. For the record, I swore I would never ever ever co-sleep. However I learned every baby is very different. To this day, if she isn’t feeling well or wakes up super early I will still hold her in bed with me for her comfort.

Put her down for naps

Again, the sleep thing has been hard on her, for that I blame her father who never slept, and still requires like 4 to 5 hours of sleep. I held her for all her naps up until a little past 6 months. I cuddled with her for as long as I could, because one day she will not want to. Now that she does nap in her bed however, I do now enjoy a little bit of mommy time.

Give her cereal…shes 4 months old!
Use “insert name here” this product, it’s cheap
Give her pureed baby food

We are actually favor the Baby Led Weaning method. We have had success at this method and she loves feeding herself. We eventually added in pureed pouches for variety and she loves drinking these right up as well!

Pump constantly you need to make more milk

Again I learned the hard way this is not helpful most of the time and can cause other problems, like over supply, clogged ducts and other things. I actually cannot remember the last time I pumped because she didn’t like bottles and it caused issues for us

 Have another baby, like NOW!
You can eat EVERYTHING while pregnant
Take breathing classes for birth

We took the Bradley Method Class, and it was beyond amazing.

Don’t baby wear, you’ll spoil them

I have this carrier, and it is one of the best purchases we made: Ergobaby Original Baby Carrier. She absolutely loved being worn for months, and then as she is getting older and mobile she still loves it but just for shorter periods of time.

That’s just not the right way

In the end, you have to choose which advice to take and which to throw out. However, every mother should know this:

God chose you to be this childs mother, and he makes no mistakes. He has entrusted the safety and well being of this baby to you.

As a mother you make the right choices for your baby. People will tell you you are wrong.. but always follow your gut. As long as you and your spouse or parenting partner are on the same page and you put the childs safety first, you will win.

 

Please remember these posts are in no way shape or form aimed at anyone, and are just my honest thoughts.

 Struggling with Post Partum Depression or Anxiety?

read some of my story

 

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